A Glass Half Full, Not Half Empty

 Charlotte Christie De Leon, Teacher

This Maundy Thursday, I reflected on the answer of Jesus to Simon Peter who asked, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”
Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

This made me recall how I started year 2022. Series of events happened after I turned 33 in December 2021 that made me question God:

“Why am I experiencing this when I have been working hard all these years?”
“Why do you always have to keep me hanging? I need answers.”
“Do you really have plans for me?”

I shared these sentiments with my cousin in Canada in a video call. He encouraged me not to lose hope and to keep believing that God has something for me. His stories of God’s miracle after the death of his sons and mother-in-law while being financially broke were touching and instrumental. It made me ask, “How about me? Where is God’s miracle for me?”

Allow me to answer this by humbly sharing my life.

I was raised by a single mom with an unstable income. My mom’s relatives helped us a lot. Despite our financial status, I was sent to a private school. It was very embarrassing every time I had to stay at the library because I could not take the test. Sometimes, I felt like preparing for the test was just a waste of time. I would always cry. I pitied myself.

Things were different in college. I studied at the most expensive school in our city, the Ateneo de Davao University. I was blessed to have my uncles working abroad finance my college education. Wow! I always paid in full amount every semester. But then, I was struggling with my daily allowance. My mom would avoid me whenever she could not give any money. Part of my morning routine was to collect 20-50 pesos from my uncles, aunts and grandma. Once I had 70 pesos, I was ready to go to school. I hated days when I had classes in the evening because all I can afford was my food for lunch. Luckily, there were kind classmates who would treat me for snacks and dinner. Since daily expenses were getting costly in my last semester, I had a part-time job as an online English tutor from 7:00 – 11:00 p.m.. My situation in college and elementary might be different but they resulted to the same feeling, which was self-pity.

My only prayer to God during those difficult times was to help me finish my studies. Just like the others, I believe that education can be the answer to poverty.

I feel sorry that it took me years to realize the answer to the question, “Where is God’s miracle for me?”.

God actually answered my prayer. I forgot that I prayed for a college diploma. Education was His greatest miracle for me. I made it despite all the hardships. He was my constant companion all these years. He even gave me more than enough. Aside from my college diploma in 2009, I now hold two other diplomas. In 2016, I finished Diploma in Language and Literacy Education from the University of the Philippines Open University. I was blessed because UPOU offers a student loan. In December 2021, I completed a Master of Arts in Education Major in Basic Education Teaching from the Ateneo de Manila University. God was so generous because I finished at ADMU through two scholarships.

I feel guilty to realize that all these years I have been looking at the glass half empty. I failed to recognize that the glass was actually half full. Of course, it would too much for me to ask God to fill the entire glass. In fact, I should be contented because my life itself is an undeserved grace.

Today, I say sorry to God.

God, sorry if I failed to recognize your blessings and miracles in my life.

But then, thank you for letting me go through the pains and struggles. It made me value the things that I now have.

Thank you for making me a teacher. Just like Jesus, I will also serve others, specifically the children and the youth, as I share your gift of education.

Indeed, Jesus’ words were true: “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”